Sing Me Only Psalms of Lament

"You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend." Psalm 88:18

What I need right now is Psalm 88, or Psalm 22 or Psalm 102. Only laments will do for today. Dan is gone. And there is no hope but in God. And there is nothing else to do but to cry out to Him.

I went over to the hospital to see Dan last night. Amy took me in his room and we stayed with him for quite a while. She held his hand, and stroked his hair. I know that she was praying that he’d just please wake up. But you could just tell he wasn’t there.

She had said her good-byes earlier in the evening. Dan's father said that the family would say their good-byes this morning, Dan would be declared brain-dead a second time, and the ventilator would be turned off. The family is going to donate Dan's organs. We’ll find out about funeral arrangements later.

It all just seems so unreal. Like this just can't be happening. Just a few days ago, he was at our house, Amy, Dan and another couple were watching "The Notebook" and he was telling me I should take that movie away from Amy and burn it. Or they'd be watching football or "The Simpsons" in Amy's room. Or he’d be sitting at my kitchen table with Amy, eating an immense bowl of cereal.

Last night, Amy and a bunch of Dan's friends gathered over at one buddy's house. They held their own impromptu wake, talking and remembering Dan's life. The people who knew him best, comforting one another. And not being alone. That's probably the healthiest thing for her to be doing now.

All I can really do is hug her, tell her that I understand. Tell her that she will heal someday, it will be a long time, but she will love again ... but she will never ever forget Dan and there will always be a part of her that loves him.

Driving home from the hospital, I had Don Henley on the CD player: "This is the end of the innocence ..." Yes, it is.

Comments

[kmm]

as i was playing (rough) with our kittycat this morning I remembered Dan doing the same thing. It made me cry.

kmm(lee anne's husband)

[Dale Price]

I am so sorry for you all.

I will keep praying.

[susan b.]

Oh, Lee Anne...I'm so sorry. I will keep praying as well.

[Kevin Wilson]

Sorry doesn't cover it. Such sad news; I'd not visited the site in a few days, so it came all at once. Our prayers are with you all, especially Amy.

Love is stronger than death.
So, I must be content to know that
love is not affected by death-
it doesn’t end, it doesn’t diminish,
it doesn’t change.
Instead, love is immortalized
and eternalized through death.
And the possibility of that love ever
being damaged or broken
is eliminated forever.
I'll put my trust in love.
By Mary Hollingsworth from "Little Taps on the Shoulder From God"

[Don]

I'm so sorry for your daughter, Dan's family, you and everyone who knew him. I felt that I was getting to know Amy through your blog. Please pass along my condolences and tell them that people they will never know are grieving.

Don

[William Meisheid]

Here is a poem I orignally wrote for a friend who lost her 5 year old son one Sunday evening when he dropped dead on their kitchen floor just before dinner. They never found out what he died of.

I have edited over the years, tweaking the imagery. I hope it helps a little.

A Grief Observed
Copyright 1993-2005
William G. Meisheid

Underneath the pain of death
Beyond the shock of loss
For those left to stay behind
Lie boundaries yet uncrossed

We sit in empty corridors
With hearts severely broken
Echoes within our mind
Hearing words unspoken

To bar the ache of our distress
We wall around the pain
Woven within our very soul
The anguish yet remains

Can anyone heal the hurt within
And remove the deadly thorn?
Impotent, themselves not whole
Are the efforts of Adam born

The answer some say is close at hand
Within the sacred rhyme
Able to touch the suffering core
Across the span of time

God does see the needful things
And feels our deep distress
Granting from his bounteous store
The love that offers rest

From the tools of cross and blood
God makes for us a way
To drain the gulf of pain that hurts
To the core of our every day

The only thing required of us
Is to let our struggles cease
And He will fill the place that waits
With life and love and peace

[Camassia]

That is so terrible! He was so young. "The bloom, whose petals nipp'd before they blew/Died on the promise of the fruit, is waste." But you've probably gotten enough poetry.

I had a close friend who died suddenly almost two years ago, and I still occasionally catch myself thinking, "Next time I see John, I should tell him about..." It's weird. But maybe this feeling that our loved ones aren't really gone, they're just taking an extended vacation, is truer than the rational knowledge of death. May we all meet in the New Jerusalem and know it for certain.

[Rosemarie]

Just read your blog and I'm so sorry for all of you and especially for Amy. It seems so unfair to lose someone you love at such a young age. I pray that God's love will surround her and comfort her through this difficult time.

[Earth Girl]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter, Dan's family and others grieving this huge loss. My fiance died when I was 20, so I understand what Amy is going through. She will grow up much faster than her peers.

[Jane]

I'm so sorry. :-( I have nothing comforting to say, other than I'm so sorry.