such small hands

I Quit Facebook

After 13 years, I cut my ties with Facebook and deleted my account. I've been on a roller-coaster love/hate relationship with the social network for the last few years -- really, what thoughtful person hasn't? I've taken social media breaks and gave up FB once for Lent.

But it took the Netflix documentary "The Social Dilemma" and Jaron Lanier's book "Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now" to solidify the reasons for my discontent. I took the steps to delete my account on Dec. 14 and the action becomes final on Jan. 13. How nice of Facebook to give me 30 days to change my mind.

I always thought the problem was with me. After all, most of my friends seemed to be enjoying Facebook and connecting with family and friends. I didn't understand why I would feel sad or angry at the end of the day, lying awake at night cooking up snarky responses to someone's stupid post. Or pointing out fake C.S. Lewis quotes and other misinformation. I'm done with being a watchdog. Lanier's book helped me understand that the problem is with the fundamental business model that makes Facebook a money-making machine, not with me.

Some of Lanier's arguments resonated with me more than others. Like #4 -- Social media is making you into an asshole. What's that you say? But I'm a sweet 64-year-old Christian grandma! This quote really got me: "If, when you participate in online platforms, you notice a nasty thing inside yourself, an insecurity, a sense of low self-esteem, a yearning to lash out, to swat someone down, then leave that platform. Simple."

Simple? Can it really be that simple, I thought. What would I give up? How can I make up for what I might miss? 

Memories, maybe. I looked through years of old FB posts and photos. I still have the best photos saved on a hard drive or in the Cloud. The real memories are stored in my mind and heart.

Connection with people near and far. Well, there's something to that, yet I couldn't say that most of my interactions with friends on FB were deep or meaningful. They were mostly superficial and perfunctory, like birthday greetings to people I really don't know well or didn't even like much when we were in school. So before I pulled the plug, I asked people for their contact information if they wanted to keep in touch. A handful of people responded. I'm perfectly OK with that. I'd rather have just a few real friends than 300+ fake ones.

Two weeks after I cut the cord, I can honestly say I have no regrets and no temptation to change my mind before my 30-day grace period expires. I feel as if a great weight has been lifted. I sleep better at night; my dreams aren't filled with scrolling news feeds. I feel happier and more connected to real life. Isn't that what really matters?

Abiding in the Word

Like most Christians who love the Bible, I have often struggled with having a daily “quiet time,” several minutes a day set aside for Bible reading, study and prayer.

Our fathers and mothers in the faith tell us that early morning is the best time for this, and yet that just hasn’t always worked in every season of my life. Crazy work hours, taking care of young children, etc. often means that alone time with God is postponed until later. But I’ve found that it’s so important that it’s worth making an appointment with God to do it — whenever you can do it. A few other things I’ve learned about myself and my time alone with God:

1. I REALLY need it! Because the Word of God transforms me. The times in my life when I have neglected daily time in Scripture have been times when I have wandered so far away from God, only He could bring me back. I think my own thoughts. I think what’s wrong is right. “I have stored up Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” — Psalm 119: 11The day just seems to go better when I start with absorbing what God has to say, asking Him to order my steps that day, and taking all my stresses and concerns to Him.
2. I need quiet and solitude. No music, no one else in the room.
3. I need to hear from God before I let in the “noise” of e-mail and social media. Until just recently, I spent the first moments of my day checking e-mail and Facebook. Then I’d get to my quiet time after my husband left for work. My reason was that my brain was just too foggy before that first cup of coffee to think about reading the Bible and prayer. Trouble is, my brain would get too cluttered with the stuff going on in the world and what I needed to get done that day before it could rest in God’s word. Starting this summer, I’ve been trying to change this habit.
4. I need structure. I can’t just open my Bible to some random place and start reading. I lose focus, get distracted with other thoughts, and pretty soon I’m falling into old, bad habits. So I have found three resources that help me stay accountable and in the Word:

 

• Small group women’s Bible study at church. We’ve been meeting for several years, these women I trust with my secret heart, on Monday morning. What a great way to start the week! We’ve done several of the Beth Moore studies, and in recent years have been using the LCMS Lifelight materials. We’ve done books of the Bible: Acts, the Gospel of John, Ecclesiates/Song of Solomon … and topics, such as the Christian’s Mission. The workbook has five days of “homework” that help you dig into Scripture, think about it and apply it.
• Love God Greatly. When our women’s group is on recess (usually for Advent, Lent and summer), I turn to the Love God Greatly studies. There’s a reading plan for five days a week that uses the SOAP study method — Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer — plus suggested memory verses and weekly challenges to apply what you’re learning. The summer study was on Psalm 119, which I loved, and they start Galatians after Labor Day. I started doing these with an online group. Lately, not many in the group are still doing the studies, but we keep in touch and pray for one another.
• First5.org smartphone app. This is a recent discovery that I have started using in “between times.” It’s encouragement to spend the first five minutes of your day in the Word. Monday through Friday you get a brief devotional and there’s a video weekend wrap-up with the devotional writers. First 5 just finished John’s gospel and started Genesis today.

I hope that sharing some of my quiet time strategies might encourage you to devote regular time daily to God’s Word. What do you do in your time alone with God?

When Women's Work Was Essential

It’s been a pleasure this summer to reread the whole series of “Little House” books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Although the books are written at a grade-school level, they vividly capture the simple joys and hardships of American pioneer life in the 1870s and 1880s. I’ve been marveling at how the role of women and the value placed on their labor has changed in those 134 years. 

In Laura’s day, women’s work was absolutely essential to the survival of the family. Their skills, creativity and resourcefulness in making meals, preserving food, keeping the home tidy and organized, making clothing, etc. contributed significantly to the family’s happiness and prosperity. For farmers and homesteaders like the Wilder and Ingalls families, the work was physically hard and — during certain seasons — without much rest. 

Early harvest: “There was no rest and no play for anyone now. They all worked from candle-light to candle-light. Mother and the girls were making cucumber pickles, green-tomato pickles, and watermelon-rind pickles; they were drying corn and apples, and making preserves. … Even the apple cores were saved for making vinegar, and a bundle of oat-straw was soaking in a tub on the back porch. Whenever Mother had one minute to spare, she braided an inch or two of oat-straw braid for making next summer’s hats.” — “Farmer Boy” 

After the late fall/early winter butchering: “All the next week Mother and the girls were hard at work, and Mother kept Almanzo in the kitchen to help. They cut up the pork fat and boiled it in big kettles on the stove. When it was done, Mother strained the clear hot lard through white cloths into big stone jars. … Then she made the headcheese. … Next Mother made mincemeat. … All this time [Almanzo] was grinding sausagemeat. … Mother seasoned the meat and molded it into big balls, and Almanzo had to carry all those balls into the woodshed attic and pile them up in clean cloths. They would be there, frozen, all winter … The end of butchering-time was candle-making.” — “Farmer Boy” 

Gradually those tasks became less burdensome with the advent of time-saving appliances and mass production. I’ll be the first to admit I love my dishwasher, gas stove, refrigerator, clothes washer and dryer. But somehow being able to do more in less time — and with less effort — has diminished the value of running a household. 

Caroline Ingalls didn’t want her girls to demean themselves by doing men’s work — which at that time meant working in the field or taking care of livestock. But sometimes they had to do it, if it meant the survival of the family. “She did not like to see women working in the fields. Only foreigners did that. Ma and her girls were Americans, above doing men’s work.” — “The Long Winter” 

Most of us aren’t homesteading. I certainly can’t on my postage-stamp city lot. But I think that spirit of creativity and resourcefulness hasn’t been totally lost. We may choose to get in touch with our roots by raising some of our own food, preserving it, keeping a few chickens, sewing, knitting, crocheting, or cooking from scratch. 

Review: A Practical Wedding

"A Practical Wedding: Creative Ideas for Planning a Beautiful, Affordable, and Meaningful Celebration" by Meg Keene

When my daughter Amy got engaged, she told me she had ordered this book. What a wise move! I bought a copy for myself, so that I could be a good and supportive mother of the bride (MOB).

Meg Keene, who also writes the blog A Practical Wedding, approaches the subject of wedding planning with humor, grace, wisdom and a deep love for marriage. Not just weddings, but the time-honored institution of marriage.

The book’s tone is encouraging (you won’t have to go into debt), reassuring (you can maintain your sanity) and liberating (if it isn’t meaningful to you, don’t do it). Keene’s mantra is, “I will not remember what our wedding looked like; I will remember what it felt like.”

The book’s contents cover the superficial, the soul-searching, and everything in between:

• The purpose of the engagement
• Dealing with family issues and other hard stuff
• Venues, guest lists, schedules, food, the ceremony
• Budgets and keeping it sane
• When to DIY and when not, and why

 Keene’s advice for couples on a budget is priceless: “You should focus your planning on things that make you feel delighted and alive.” She reminds readers that most of what the wedding industry tells us is “tradition” has only come about recently. Despite what you see on Pinterest, most of that stuff is not traditional. Amy’s grandmother would be shocked by the lavish no-expense-spared weddings today.

She and my father were married in the priest’s rectory with only a few people present (that’s how mixed marriages were done in the Catholic Church in 1941). The reception was at my grandmother’s house, with homemade food and cake. So the at-home or backyard wedding is probably the most traditional thing you can do.

November 8, 1941

Samples of wit and wisdom from “A Practical Wedding”:

On working together: “Remember that the choices you are making about your wedding are the first choices you are making as a brand-new-baby family, and they are practice for the much bigger choices in your future.”

On traditional vows: “Getting married means joining in a tradition that is thousands of years old. By saying the same words that generations and generations before you have said, you tie yourselves to the strength of an institution that has stood the test of time, helped people survive great hardships, and helped them embrace enormous joy.”

On the purpose of bridesmaids: “Bridesmaids exist to stand in front of the bride on her wedding day, and not let crazy within ten feet.”

On planning: “Planning a wedding is such a giddy mix of beautiful things combined with a serious dose of pain in the ass …”

January 27, 2001

Summer Summary

My last post was June 25? Seriously? Where did the summer go? Here it is, Labor Day weekend, and all of those fall activities will be starting up again. So, considering I posted my summer plans on June 1, how did I do about keeping up with the things I wanted to accomplish? 

Write for the blog. Obviously, fail.

Garden. I've actually achieved some of those goals. Ken and I cut back the lilac, and although it has a bad case of powdery mildew, it's doing OK. We'll see how it comes back next year. I planted summer phlox and they have been quite showy, even in their first summer. We're just now getting a good crop of tomatoes from the Early Girl and the Sugar Sweet cherry tomatoes. I've also harvested a bunch of sweet peppers and banana peppers, plus a few cucumbers. Again this year, the zucchini did nothing. I'm not even going to try it next year.

Read. I finished "Be Hopeful" and "The Life You've Always Wanted." Enjoyed them very much. I find myself reviewing sections of the latter to remind myself of spiritual disciplines I want to keep doing. It was fun going through it with a bunch of other women; I hope we can do that again sometime. Right now, I am just getting into "Dust," which is the third book in the Hugh Howey Silo series. Too soon to tell, but I'm liking how familiar characters are all coming together; I expect it's building to an apocalyptic finish.

Play golf. We've done that, although probably haven't played nine every weekend. Sometimes life happens and golf has to be put aside. More about that later. Still, I played an 18-hole round that was 2 strokes short of my best ever at Lost Lake Woods Club. When I was a beginner, it terrified me to play there. Now it feels like my home course.

Vacation. Yep, did that.

Health. I came back from our July vacation all fired up to get back into daily exercise and watching my diet. I started going back to SparkPeople to keep a food and fitness log. My goal was to lose about 5 pounds by the end of August. July went great. I was loving my morning bike rides and (sort of) staying on track with the calorie count. Then early in August I started having this nasty pain in my right upper back. I thought I'd injured something, but it was like ibuprofen barely touched it. We left for a week up at Lost Lake when the rash showed up. At first I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the ibuprofen. Then I figured out the real culprit --- shingles. Lovely. Well, I am on the mend now, after taking an anti-viral med, and now something for the lingering pain, which they call post-herpetic neuralgia. But frankly, it's been pretty awful at times. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Movies. We enjoyed "Searching for Sugar Man," and "Hitchcock" was interesting enough that I had to add "Psycho" to our Netflix queue --- especially because Ken has never seen it. Apparently everyone else has had the same idea, because there is a long wait. "Life of Pi" was visually stunning, and I enjoyed how it seemed faithful to the book.

TV. Yes, we are enjoying the final season of "Burn Notice." And we are on our way through Season 3 of "The Killing" for the second time. It's always interesting to watch it again when you know who the killer is. I'm wondering what new fall series we'll get hooked on. I see that Marg Helgenberger (from CSI) is in a new series, "Intelligence." Love her, so we'll have to check that one out.

New neighbors. Actually that's going pretty well. Although one set of neighbors moved away shortly after we met them. The house went on the market and sold recently. We were totally surprised when we had a knock on the door a few days ago, and it was the man who'd bought the house, coming over to meet us. Shock!

Spend less money, have more fun? Done and done. Can't wait to see what fall brings.

Shift

"Shift Omnibus Edition" by Hugh Howey

 "Shift" is the second book in the Silo series, which began with "Wool." In my opinion, the second book may not be as compelling as the first, but in a way it is more horrifying in its believability. The series ends with "Dust," which is now available for pre-order (coming out August 17 and I'm adding it to my summer reading list asap!).

"Shift" begins in 2039, three centuries before the story of Juliette and Silo 18 --- only 36 years from now. Through the eyes of a young congressman, Donald Keene, we learn how and why the silo system was created. Unwittingly, Keene becomes a party to an act of apocalyptic hubris that poisons Earth and destroys all life --- except the people in the silos.

How Keene begins to understand the scope of this horror, and how he responds, is one of the stories in "Shift." Keene's story intertwines with other plots that answer questions raised in "Wool":

• What was the Great Uprising of Silo 18?
• How did the fall of Silo 17 come about, and how did Jimmy (Solo) survive?
• What was the purpose of Silo 1, and why was it different from the others?

Hugh Howey is a master at weaving all these plot threads together, and drawing rich characters that the reader cares about deeply. I found the timeline a bit confusing, but that is a minor criticism. I eventually drew my own, but a timeline in the book would have been a convenient reference --- especially when the action skips from one century to another.

Donald Keene is one constant through the time-jumping. Cryogenics have been perfected, so Keene is "thawed out" for his shift as the head of Silo 1, and periodically afterward to deal with crises such as the Great Uprising, and Juliette's escape and return to Silo 18. One man, three centuries. Ultimately, Keene (and Howey) leave us with one question: Was this world worth saving to begin with? Were we worth saving?

Rotting My Socks

I shared in my previous post how a few women from my church have formed a casual book club to read and discuss John Ortberg's "The Life You've Always Wanted," which is subtitled: "Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People." We're in chapters 7 and 8 this week, dealing with servanthood and confession.

So far, I can say truthfully that this book is rotting my socks. That's an old expression from "back in the day," my college days specifically. It was a common phrase among the Christian kids I hung out with, to describe a book, or Scripture, or experience that God was using to bless or convict someone spiritually. For example, "That talk by Dawson Bell on losing your first love really rotted my socks! I really need to get back on track."

I've experienced both blessing and conviction as I've been reading. Best of all, I think I learned something new about God. At least, it is new to me: In the same way that God is love, God is joy. Here's Ortberg:

Joy is at the heart of God's plan for human beings. The reason for this is worth pondering awhile: Joy is at the heart of God himself. We will never understand the significance of joy in human life until we understand its importance to God.

He goes on to observe that God's joy simply permeated the act of creation. When he spoke into being the light, heavenly bodies, land, sea and sky, all the creatures that live in them, and human beings, God said they were delightful. Then Father, Son and Holy Spirit had a little dance party. We may tire of sunrises, take the daily sunset for granted, think every daisy looks the same ... but God never tires of them. He is still delighted because his very nature is joy.

God also knows sorrow. Jesus is remembered, among other things, as "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." But the sorrow of God, like the anger of God, is his temporary response to a fallen world. That sorrow will be banished forever from his heart on the day the world is set right. Joy is God's basic character. Joy is his eternal destiny. God is the happiest being in the universe.

And there's been plenty of conviction, too. I can see how I need to let God slow me down, to learn what it really means to pray, to give up my stubborn and defensive attitude when I'm criticized. I have so much to learn. But I am not content staying where I am.

 

Summer Plans

Now that summer is under way ...

• Write for the blog (LOL!) at least as time allows amid gardening and writing for work.
• Garden. I've been dealing with some longtime problem areas, digging up neglected spots that became infested with grass. I'm either placing new perennials (phlox paniculata or summer phlox), and/or mulching them well until I decide what, if anything, I'm going to plant there. The lilac needs a serious cutting-back, and I'm finally ready to do that this year, even if it means sacrificing next year's bloom. This photo shows the only peony I have blooming this year. Usually my Festiva Maxima is going gangbusters by Memorial Day, but this year nothing. Maybe the cold spring stunted the bloom for this year.

• Read. I'm in the early stages of "Be Hopeful," a commentary on 1st Peter by Warren Wiersbe for my daily quiet time. I just started "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg; some of the women at church are reading it for a new book club. Two of my favorite things combined --- reading and fellowship with my sisters in Christ.
• Play golf. The goal is to play nine holes every Saturday and Sunday during the season. Although when we're on vacation, I'm sure we'll play 18 simply because we'll have more time.
• Vacation. We have definite plans to head up to Lost Lake Woods Club and the Upper Peninsula over the week of the Fourth. Hike to waterfalls, play a little golf, maybe take in some touristy stuff, eat fresh Lake Superior whitefish. At noon on the Fourth, we want to be watching the Munising parade from the Golden Heart, a Chinese restaurant right on the parade route. What could be more American? Otherwise, we'll just grab long weekends here and there, as Ken's business travel schedule allows.
• Movies. Our Netflix queue is catching up with last year's must-sees: "Life of Pi," "Hitchcock," and "Searching for Sugar Man."
• TV. I'm really looking forward to the new seasons of "Burn Notice" and "The Killing."
• Meet the new neighbors. Two house across the street and one next door have changed hands in the last few months. We're the old people on the block.
• Spend less money.
• Have more fun.

Wool

"Wool Omnibus Edition" by Hugh Howey

I had never heard of "Wool" or its author until I read this article/review in Slate magazine. It's not that I dislike science fiction --- I've read "Dune," "Brave New World," several Ray Bradbury stories, and more --- but I don't read sci-fi often.

Something about "Wool," however,  grabbed me and refused to let go. Maybe it was the entirely plausible world Howey creates in a far distant future --- distant, but not very different from the world of 2013. Or maybe it was the characters --- men and women who are very much like the living, breathing people we know.

 The world of "Wool" is populated by survivors of some unnamed global disaster, who live in a vast underground silo --- more than 130 levels connected only by a single spiral stairway. The silo's structure not only limits physical mobility, but also social mobility. Classes and occupations are divided by level, with the blue-collar workers living in the "down deep" and governing officials "up top." Near the upper levels, but far from any authority figures is IT. If you've ever struggled to get anything out of Information Tech in your workplace, you will not be surprised that IT is the real power in the silo.

You might say that such a confined universe could drive a person crazy --- or drive them to question whether things might be better outside, whether there is hope for a better life outside the silo. But such rebellion is a capital offense in the silo, punishable by being put out to "cleaning" --- scrubbing the grime off the sensors that give the silo residents their only view of the outside. Cleaning is a death sentence because the outside atmosphere is so toxic it eats through the cleaners' protective suits and kills them in a short time.

Howey gradually unfolds the web of lies and truth as the main characters discover them, timing the revelations perfectly to keep the reader engaged and turning the pages. The well-paced suspense scenes build to a satisfying conclusion --- and leave the door open to a sequel.

In the world of "Wool," like our own, ideas are dangerous. So is hope. So is love. "Wool" is so relatable because it speaks to our timeless human longing for freedom and a better future.

Iscariot

"Iscariot" by Tosca Lee

Best-selling novelist Tosca Lee tackles the story of the man who may be the most despised character in the New Testament --- Judas Iscariot. If you are familiar with the Gospels, you think you know Judas, the man who was paid 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus Christ with a kiss. But "Iscariot" will change the way you think about Judas, and in so doing, it changes the way you think about Jesus.

 Lee masterfully weaves together familiar stories from the Gospels, historical events, and extensive research into Jewish life and customs at the time of Jesus. The result is a somewhat speculative  first-person account of the life experiences that could have made Judas the sort of man who followed Jesus, loved him, and yet turned him over to the Jewish authorities.

Christians today, with the benefit of hindsight and the New Testament, can't understand the overwhelming hope for a Messiah that permeated 1st century Jewish culture. The prophets had been silent for 400 years. Rome held its Palestinian provinces in an iron grip, charging exorbitant taxes and crushing any hint of rebellion. More than one Jewish uprising led by a self-styled Messiah had been put down by mass crucifixions --- crosses literally lining the roadsides.

One could imagine how Judas, growing up in this kind of culture, would have certain ideas of what the real Messiah would do, how he would act, what he would teach. Tosca Lee gives us a Judas who has suffered unimaginable suffering and loss at the hands of the Romans:

"I was a boy, missing his brother. I was a child, looking on the broken body of his father. I was a young man, knowing that my new brother existed out of my mother's shame, and only because she had wanted to feed me."

Judas has every reason to be skeptical of Jesus, to doubt whether he is the Messiah. But Judas is drawn to him, not by the miraculous healings so much as by Jesus' love for him.

Through Judas, we get a sense of how Jesus continually surprised, scandalized and provoked the very people who wanted to support him. How he turned the accepted understanding of the Messiah inside out. Devout observers of the Law wondered, reasonably, "Would the real Messiah break the Sabbath, touch the unclean, associate with sinners?"

It's a question that Christians grapple with today: What is the nature of the kingdom of God? What does it look like in real life? This passage expresses it eloquently:

"My master had dirtied his hands on the leper and the paralytic both. Now he dirtied them in public with the tax collector. I began to wonder if that was the way it was, that one must dirty his hands to heal. It was as though the world was backward with him, and that purity was the truest contagion."

The first gift that "Iscariot" gave me was being able to see Judas through new eyes, and to wonder, "Would I have done the same, in that time and place? Have I not made decisions that seemed right at the time and turned into disaster?"

Seeing Jesus in a new light is the second great gift that "Iscariot" gave to me. Everything about Jesus was unsettling to the devout 1st century Jew: He healed on the Sabbath; instead of ritual purification he spoke of defilement coming from within; he claimed to forgive sins; he called himself the Bread of Life and said people were to eat his flesh and drink his blood! The message of the cross is still provocative, scandalous and --- to some --- foolishness. As Christians, we lose something if we forget how the Gospel is meant to turn the world upside down (Acts 17:6).